On some days I feel genuine indescribable happiness. On such days, the clouds are a rich triumphant blue colour, the apples I have for breakfast taste sweet and crisp, the water I drink tastes like wine made in the richest French vineyards and the music I play sounds so melodious and seductive; so harmonious I become oblivious to how intense the vibrations are.
On such days my morning shower feels luxuriously long and calmer than usual. My hemp shower oil glides on my body so smoothly and my raw shea butter feels like it has been delicately churned in the northern part of Ghana.
On such days the charming and sweet voice of my lover is what I yearn for. His choice of words leaves me smitten. His warm touch is what puts me to bed.
On such days I feel so happy.
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On other days I feel crippling sadness. On such days the clouds are opaque and dark. The apples I have for breakfast look and taste rotten to the core. The water I drink tastes so unfiltered and rusty. My bed feels unrecognizably colder than usual yet I cannot bring myself to get out of bed.
On such days I hear nothing but constant ringing in my head. I toss and turn in my bed because the same bed that once felt so comfortable feels like rocky soil. I feel so scared to be left alone with my dreadful thoughts. I need a hug but feel like I do not deserve it. I feel so isolated from everyone.
On such days the thought of death does not seem scary or far fetched.
On such days my eyes fail to open because of how swollen they feel. I remember I have scars on my hands; scars I should be ashamed of. Scars that remind of me of my never-ending crippling sadness.
On such days I feel so sad.
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